Sometimes during the day I have moments where things are a bit busy and I have a million things running through my mind. A million things that I wish I could all get done right then and there.
But can't.
Why?
Because I have a sweet growing baby boy to keep alive, to teach, to nurture and really give my full attention to. He needs me. And honestly I need him. But since he's 100% dependent on me (woah to say that out loud sounds so huge, and is) I have to be fully focused on him and attentive. Focusing on him brings me more joy than I ever imagined. But with focus comes time and energy. And sometimes I feel like time is not on my side. With an ever growing to-do list on the counter/ipad/iphone I often feel like I am never caught up. The dishes need to be done, the laundry needs to be taken out of the dryer and put away, the carpet needs vacuuming, the dog needs to be tended to, the groceries need to be bought, orders need to be packaged and mailed, the list goes on.
But you know what?
I'm okay with chaos. I feel like it often pushes me to become better. A better Christian, a better wife, a better mother and a better business woman. In that order. Because without the Lord I can't be any of those. And without Jer I wouldn't have become a mother. And without all of the above I would have never become a business woman.
I'm totally fine with a million things on my to-do list at one time. I'm in no rush to have everything checked off at all times because there are moments that I look at Boston and remember that even though I have alot on my plate, I will always keep my focus on him. None of those things are more important than him being taken care of well. Afterall, this is the reason why I choose to stay at home with him. I want to be checked in as his mother and caregiver. I don't ever want anything like my new and very blessed business that is growing like I never would have imagined or the laundry or the pile of dishes to get in the way of mine and my sons quality time together. Ever. And if it ever truly does, then there would be changes. Pronto.
Because?
This is a short season in life that I'll never get back. I'll never get back my 33 month old son when July is over. I won't always get to wake up in the mornings to him needing me and wanting me to play with him on the living room floor or outside just the two of us when its the most quite and peaceful. There will come a time where he will be in school and life won't be like it is now. And it's an aching feeling. I truly can't think about it too long. I can't even think about what it was like when he was a newborn and how I loved that phase of his life just as much as I love this one. I've said it before, I loved waking up to him in the middle of the night. I would hold him on my chest (skin to skin) and sometimes feel so much love coming out of me that I would allow the tears flow down the side of my temples. I remember carrying him (baby-wearing) non-stop everywhere we went. I'll never forget one day at church when a woman with about what looked like an 8 year old little boy walked by me and said, "Cherish this time, they grow up way too fast." She smiled and walked off. I smiled back and thought, not for a while he's only 2 months old. But, for some reason those words have always stuck with me and now I'm beginning to feel exactly what she meant 2.5 years later. It gives me such a pit in my stomach. So much so that sometimes I wonder if I should have ever become a mother because I get so emotional about things such as this that is totally out of my control. I often wish that time would allow me to go back to the early weeks of Boston's life and re-live those days.
If I could, I wouldn't do anything different, I would soak it in all over again.
So my goal is to always be present and aware of this short season and to always be in the moment with him. I feel blessed to have the life I have, a life that I get to share with my son all day every day and I never want to take it for granted.
3 comments:
I needed to read this SO badly tonight. I've had a rough couple of days and I find myself getting very frustrated with myself that I can't get everything on my to do list done. I am loving every second of being a mama to my sweet boy, but some days I feel like I literally get not a single thing done other than to take care of him. But reading this just makes me realize how quickly my little three month old baby will be a 33 month old little boy, and nothing in the world matters as much as soaking up every single second. So when tomorrow rolls around and he needs my attention every second of the day, I'll remember this and remind myself that the laundry and my blog and the grocery shopping can wait. XOXO
Thank you for this reminder! My one year old has been so clingy lately- always wanting to be picked up and needing me in the room even when he's playing alone. I need to remember that a day will come, all too soon, when he won't ever want me to hold him or watch him as he plays. Reading this has helped me realize what I knew all along- the dishes and laundry and groceries can wait- nothing is as important is being fully present when my son needs me.
Sweet words, I have a 3 month old and already get emotional thinking of how much she's grown in the past few months can't imagine what I wil be like when she's Boston's age.
Xx
Mariely
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